so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
