what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
