You don't have asthma, your pregnant
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
