i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
