I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
