oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Mom said you looked used
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize