Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
