I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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