i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
