No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
