I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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