You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
