So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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