Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
