"it" just moved
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
