Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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