I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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