I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
