White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Mom said you looked used
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
