Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober

Fav 29 3738 976
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(708): View more from Illinois

A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.

Fav 24 4209 1267
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(904): View more from Florida

i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me

Fav 32 1015 4269
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(312): View more from Illinois

i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.

Fav 12 6276 1405
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.

Fav 8 2481 846
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(352): View more from Florida

I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.

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(360): View more from Washington

So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.

Fav 5 1555 652
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I smell like Dick and happiness

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