My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
