i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you win again, gameday.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
