Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
