Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
