she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
