Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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