'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
