At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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