I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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