So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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