Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
