my phone needs a breathalizer
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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