and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize