He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
