he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
