I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think I won the penis lottery.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
