i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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