saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I am morally bankrupt
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
