bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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