I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Are we still banned from the library?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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