i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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