You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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