I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
