I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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