3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
