Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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