So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
