I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Who died my cat blue again?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
