I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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