How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
