I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
