I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
