every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
