He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
