Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
