Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
