real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
