never play flip cup with pint glasses
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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