How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
