It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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