just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
