someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
the raccoons are back...
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