Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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