Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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