there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
