We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
