I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
