You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
