Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
