So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
