remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
