Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
