I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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