Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ttyl tear gas
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
