At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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