Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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