4 words: hood of his car
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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